It All Started With Ed VS Chuck!
by CaliKitty13
Summary: This is what you get when you take two crazy fangirls at 3 A.M. give them loads of Red Bull and a computer. Hopefully better than sounds.
1. The Rainbow Light

**Ok so this is this, it's the spawn of and msn conversation between two fan girls at three in the morning after drinking way too much Red Bull. So I hope you enjoy, and please review what you guys say helps A LOT!!**

One day Bella and Edward were sitting in his room watching T.V. when Alice came in.

"Edward" Alice stated, worry lacing her soprano voice, "Whatever you do, DO NOT walk into the rainbow light that's about to appear in the corner!"

"Why, what did you see Alice!" Bella asked in sudden alarm.

"What the Buck are you talking about, random rainbow lights don't just pop up out of nowhere" Edward sounded concerned. "Alice, have you been doing drugs?"

Alice sighed "And 5, 4, 3, 2, 1." A rainbow light popped up in the corner taking up an entire ½ of the room. "Told you so!"

"See Edward THIS is why I ALWAYS side with Alice, she…" Bella started to say but was interrupted by the magic rainbow light.

"If the 3 of you don't mind." It said with an English accent "I must speak my words!"

"Sorry Mr. spooky Talking Rainbow Light" they said in unison.

"You have the floor." Edward said

"And the walls, the ceiling, the TV, and ….." Alice started listing off all the items the light was touching only to be interrupted by Edward

"Shut up Alice"

"I'm just saying"

"I don't care"

"She has a point though" Bella chimed in

"It's still irrelevant to the point!"

"And that would be?" Alice asked

"Fer sure" Bella agreed

"The point would be, that a large talking rainbow light just randomly appeared in my room! And the two of you, are talking about what said light is touching!" He sighed

"And you still don't have a point" Bella said

"THE POINT IS THAT RAMDOM RAINBOW LIGHTS POPPING UP OUT OF NOWHERE IS JUST NOT NORMAL"

"Says the vampire"

"She makes a good point" Alice agreed

"Hey you guys, if you don't mind SHUTTING THE HELL UP!" the rainbow light screamed

"Sorry Mr. Not normal Weird Random Talking Rainbow Light" Theysaid in unison, again.

"And don't talk about me like I'm not here. I know I'm weird that was made, VERY clear to me in high school! Now if you 3 don't mind, I need Edward to walk into me."

"Wow that really sounds perverted" Alice said

Edward glared at her "OK" he shrugged, and walked into the light as if this whole ordeal was no big deal.

"Wait a sec" Bella said after the light disappeared "Didn't you just tell him _not _to walk into the rainbow light?"

"Yeah, Edward- not doing so good on the whole listening thing"

Just then Carlisle came in doing the robot and holding Jack Sparrows sword. "Where's Edward, I need to show him my fancy new toy I found!!!"

"He walked into that rainbow light over there" Alice said

"Yeah, after Alice specifically told him NOT to!"

"And now he's goanna have to fight chuck Norris and Anakin Skywalker in Narnia."

"Fighting!" Carlisle shouted "But we are pacifists, we are NICE vampires!" He yelled and jumped onto the bed and hid under the covers.

"Um, Carlisle. Are you ok?" Bella asked

"No, go away!"

"ESME" Bella and Alice shouted at the same time and she arrived in 2.376 seconds

"Not again" Esme sighed, she walked over to him and took away his sword. "Carlisle, what have I told you about watching those pirate movies"

"To not to" he said looking away from her

"Come on, lets go listen to 3OH!3" They left and Bella looked at Alice

"Well Bella lets go save Edward from this messedupness" And they both walked into the light. They ended up in a hallway and the ceiling, witch had a French accent, told them to go straight down the hall. "It's the 23d door on the left, go 13 steps forward than turn right. Jump over the tapioca pudding pond. Exit out the PURPLE door. Wait for the elevator go to the 483rd floor and wait for more instructions. One more thing, DO NOT!!! Stare at the people with alligator heads, gorilla bodies, and duck feet because they WILL start singing disco songs and juggling you. Thank you for using magic talking rainbow light travel."

**Thanks for reading, and please review. Next chap will hopefully be up soon, I really need to know if you guys like it first.**


	2. Pool Boxing

**Here is chapter 2, we stayed up till 5 A.M. on this one. We really like it and we hope you do. Please review.**

Alice and Bella reached the elevator with little problems, Alice had actually found being juggled by the mutant people quite fun.

"I couldn't help but look" she had protested "I wanted to see if it was true!"

This had led too and Napoleon Dynamite like slap fight between the two girls. Once they reached the 423rd floor they ceiling told them to proceed through the door right across from them into the pool boxing arena. Once inside they saw Edward, Anakin Skywalker, Chuck Norris, Miley Cyrus, and a little green dude who wasn't Yoda standing in the pool.

"Well ladies and gentlemen, weird talking rainbow lights and mutant professional jugglers/disco singers" The little green dude who wasn't Yoda said. "Welcome to this little mach that Chuck set up because he wanted to be in Twilight." He paused for 56.3 minuets and then proceeded. "In the left corner we have a very confused vampire, give it up for EDWARD CULLEN. And in the right corner we have the team from outer space the galaxies greatest Jedi ANAKIN SKYWALKER and using blackmail and fear and somehow invincibility that strikes fear in all including the grim reaper and god herself CHUCK NORRIS!!!"

"Blackmail??" Bella whispered to Alice

"Oh no!!! Bella, you really don't wanna know."

"What is it Alice??"

"Chuck is blackmailing Edward by threatening to show pictures of what really happened that night that put you in the hospital to Charlie."

"How'ld he get pictures of that night??"

"I don't know. Hang on I'll check." It went silent for a few seconds while Alice and Edward had one o their famous silent convorsations. Suddenly Alice burst out laughing. "OH MY GOD!!!!!"

"What is it Alice?"

Alice regained her composure asbesse could. She leaned in towards Bella who looked worriedly at Edward who also was trying to hde his laughter.

"They've lost it!!!" Bella says in her head grateful that Edward couldn't hear her thoughts.

Alice whispered "Chuck was at the studio that night. Before James got there. He was practicing his ballet, when James came with the video."

"He was WHAT??!!!??"

Alice clasped her hand over Bella's mouth, careful not to be too hard, to keep her quiet. "Shut up Bella. Do you want him to know??"

"Sorry" Bella mumbles and stiffles a giggle.

"Let the match begin" said the little green dude that isnt Yoda. And the match started.

The match lasted 5 days and 7 nights, somhow there were ducks and frogs and many other things that made absolutly NO sence. Eventually Chuck decided it was boring and left Anakin and Edward to duke it out.

As Edward and Anakin a loud scream comes from the other side of the door that Chuck had just walked out.

"What was that??" Bella asks jumping into Edward's arms.

" I don't know, but its very hard to fight when your........"

Before Edward could finish his sentence Jack Sparrow comes in the room.

"Jack Sparrow??" Alice looks at him confused

"Thats Captain Jack Sparrow to you." He staggered drunkedly towards Bella. "Happy Christmas Elizabeth"

"Elizabeth??"Bella asks

"Christmas??" Alice asks

"Jack, you were in the rum again." comes Elizabeth's voice from the doorway.

"Elizabeth?? How'ld you get over there??" Jack says turning to Alice

"One more turn Jack." Alice says and carefully guides Jack in the right direction.

"Elizabeth you neve told me you had sisters."

"Jack no more rum. Im so sorry about this. He was celebra...........Aren't you the Cullens??" Elizabeth looks at Edward then Alice and last at Bella "And Bella"

They look at each other confused then at Alice who is now staring blankly at the wall past Elizabeth.

"What is she staring at??" Elizabeth asks helping Jack to the floor

"She's seeing."

"So it's true. She really has visions."

"Fo Sho"

"OH MY GOD" Alice said coming out or gher vision. "Me and Bella and Liz have to got back to the house!"

"Why?" Bella asked

"Carlisle new toy is Jack the drunken pirates sword" Alice stopped "This could be dangerous, lets bring her as bait" She pointed to Miley Cyrus

They all stepped out of the roon and the voice in the celing said "Ok to exit just hop 3 times and say bippity boppity skittles ice cream"

"WHAT THE HELL!" Bella screamed "WHEN WE FIRST CAME THROUGH THIS, _PLACE _THERE WAS PUDDING AND JUGGLING AND ALL THIS CONFUSING AND ....."

"Calm Bella, were leaving and you never have to see this place again."

"What about them?" Bella looked at Anakin, still confused, Edward standing there looking gorgeous like always, and Jack now hiding behind Edward's like a little kid on the first day of school.

"We'll send Jasper and Emmet. I hope they are done hunting." Alice looked at Edward's expression seeing how badly he wanted to kick Jack in the head. "They're done wheather they want to be or not. Let's go Cyrus."

"Why should i listen to you??"

Edward growled behind her. She turned her head to look. When she turned her head back Alice was nose to nose with her.

"You should listen because we're the ones with the venom."

"Swan doesn't" Miley nodded her head towards Bella.

"I wouldn't say that." Edward says quietly

Miley walks up to Bella and grips her arm.

"Let go of me." Bella says calmly but through clentched teeth.

"No. You're my ticket outta here."

"I'ld listen to her Cyrus" Alice cautions

"No, I don't think I will."

"Let go of my arm." Bella starts to tense.

"Ok. I'll let go of your arm." Miley lets go of Bella's arm and grabbs a fistful of hair. Bella tenses more.

"Bella. Be careful." Edward says from where he stood by Jack.

"What are you gonna do? Huh? Sick your vampire boyfriend on me?"

"I'ld really be careful if I were you Cyrus

"Thats husband to you." Bella swings around grabs Miley'sarm and sends her flying across the room. Bella runs and grabs her arm again before she hits the floor. She throws Miley against a wall holding her there with one hand. She stands there for a minute as if nothing were in her hand. "You were saying?" She said in the most smartalicy way

"Bella. Be careful. We need her."Alice said placing her hand on Bella's shoulder. "Wait till we dont need her anymore." she added too quietly for Miley to hear. They start to laugh.

"What did she say to you?? Answer me Swan!!!" Miley shouts

Bella snaps her head back to face Miley and tightened her grip.

"That's Cullen to you, Cyrus." Bella tightened her grip a bit more then let Miley drop to the ground.

"Damn, we'll have to celebrate later." Edward said nodding in approval at Bella's control.

"I wasn't gonna kill her. Just putthe fear of god in her."

"That' my girl." Edward leaned in and kissed Bella deeply.

Alice cleared her throat. "Excuse me. Hate to break up this love fest but Carlisle has Jack's sword so..."

"That's Captain Jack" Jack shouts waving his finger at the wall.

"Uh over here Jack." Alice rolls her eyes and drags Bella out of Edwards arms.

"Are they always like that??"Liz asks

"Worse" Alice reply dramatically

**Thanks you guys for reading, please please review. **


	3. The Switcharoo

So Elizabeth, Bella, ALice, Miley Cyrus, and The little green dude who isn't yoda but now has a lightsaber anyway even though he still isnt Yoda. Went back to the Cullen's house to get Jack's sward back from Carlisle. "YOu do realise he's not just going to give it up right" Bella said

"Yup" Alice said "thats why we gotta be sneaky Bella we gotta be sneaky" Alice said

"So exactly what our plan is hmmm?" The little green dude who isn't yoda said

"Dude are you POSITIVE your not yoda" Alice asked?

"Sure, i am not."

"Ok Alice, I'm sick of this girl she is soooooo anoying." Bella said yanking at Miley's hair as she started to whine about being hungry for the 98327th time. "What are we gonna do with her."

"Use the force you must." the little green not- yoda dude said.

"I swear to god he is yoda." Alice said stepping into Edwards bedroom.

"Swear to god yoda I am not" He said moving a turtle with the force.

"Alice I dont care. I jut want to get my hus..... what is she doing now???" they all turned their heads to Miley who threw herself on the bed and was SMELLING the pillows.

"I don't know" Alice said.

"Me either but if she has the peanut sized bran like she implies having she'll stop hugging my pillow!"

"Bella..........."Alice said weakly trying to grab Bella's arm but only catching air."Bell.............." she dropped to the ground shaking.

"Alice? Alice??" Bella was attempting to snap her sister out of the trance she was in.

"Bella."

Bella lifted her hands from Alice arms to touch her face.

"Bella!" Elizabith shouted in terror. Bella looked at where she had touched Alice's face a streak of red was there. She looked at her hand, now bright red.

"CARLISLE!!!!!!!!!!" Bella shrieked and moved Alice's arm. There was a large slash through her side. "Elizabeth go find Esme and Carlisle. NOW!!"

"Going." Elizabeth ran out the door.

"What happened?" Carlisle came in with Esme.

"She was hit with the lightsaber." Bella said.

"Who had a lightsaber, ALICE IF IT WAS YOU! YOU REMEMBER WHAT HAPPENED LAST TIME CARLISLE HAD ONE!!!!"

"Relax Rose" Bella said "It wasn't Alice, it was this little green dude who isnt Yoda"

Carlisle set down Jacks sword. "Lightsabers are the one thing other then fire that can kill us. Hang in there Alice."

"Dont forget Krod Mandoon's flaming sword of fire! That almost lilled Emmett remember"

Bella looked at Rosalie like she was an idiot, than at Alice concern. Alice winked??

"Huh??" Bella looKed at her confused. She used every ounce of strength she could and nudged the sword and winked again. "She's crazy" Bella mumbled to herself. "Elizabeth we should go get Edward." Elizabeth now looked confused. Bella slid the sword over to her and the confused look turned into an understanding look.

She carefully slid it into the rainbow light then stood up herself. "Yea we should." Bella got up, took one last look at her dieing sister and walked into the rainbow. After following several ridiculous new demands such as touch your toe to your nose, balance a frog on your head, and say sister suzy sitting on a thistle 10 times they made it to the room where Edward and Jack were still standing with Anakin waiting for the sword, the green dude, and Chuck. "Are you sure this is the right room?" Elizabeth asked.

"I WANT MY SWORD NOW!!!!!" they heard Jack yell.

"Yep." Bella said opening the door.

"Bella? What's wrong? Where's Alice?" Edward rushed over to Bella pulling her into his arms looking deep into her eyes. That one look answered it all. "She didn't??" Bella nodded throwing Jack's sword at his feet. He picked up a stick that was beside his sword "Thank you love" Bella was too sad to argue with him. "Okay Bella, your mission is done for now, you must go back. OH and tell Esme to bring the little green dude who isn't Yoda here, and some fried chicken."

"Ok first, are you SURE he isn't Yoda, and WHY THE HELL DO YOU NEED CHICKEN YOU DONT EAT!!"

"Those things are not important, you must leave."

"Fine screw this!" And she ran through the evil rainbow light that seemed to hate har and EVENTUALLY ended up back home. Alice sat on the floor like nothing had happened. No blood, no cut, nothing. Eveyone was laughing.

"Damn nice act Alice." Carlisle said between laughs. "If you wanted the toy all you had to do was ask not scare everyone half-to death."

"But it as much more fun." Alice said in her high soprano voice. "Besides we can't die were already dead."

"You guys are sick!!!!! I'm leaving!!!" Miley said heading for the rainbow.

"Not so fast."Edward said grabbing her arm."I believe you threatened my wife." Jake, John Cena, and some annoying alian dude who isn't Jar-Jar appeared suddenly with Edward

"Ooooooooh."Carlisle and Esme said in unison.

"So." Miley said now very scared. "What are you gonna do?"

"Baby stop she's not worth it." Bella said calmly

"Yeah. What she said." Miley said. Then she thought for a minute."HEY!!!!!"

"Shut it Cyrus" Bella snapped

"Jeez. Bitchy. No wonder James wanted to kill you."

Everyone stopped and backed away, well everybody except the weird alian dude who isn't Jar-Jar. Even Edward let go of Miley and backed away.

"I'm outta here" the rainbow said then disappeared.

"I'm with him."Miley said then turned to go through the rainbow but ran into the wall instead.

"What did you just say to me?" Bella asked through clenched teeth.

"Bella. Relax. Bella." Edward attempted to relax Bella but she ignore him.

"You're dead Cyrus" With one swing Bella knocked her out.

"Who's got the Bella wig??" Alice asked, Jasper came in and handed it to her her along with brown contacts, and some makeup to put on Miley. When they were done Alice and Rosalee drug her to the forest. "VICTORIA!!!!!!!! I'm sick of her please please please just kill her already."

"seriously she is so annoying. Please just kill BELLA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" Rosealee said the name lound and clear then ran. Moments later Victoria was there.

* * *


	4. Author's Note An apology

Alright, I'm terribly sorry for the update gap. My writing partner, has basically fallen of the plane of existence. I've gotten sick of waiting for her to come back from wherever the girl I used to know went. So, hiatus officially OVER. Over the next week or so I will be looking through all of my stories and deciding what projects are worth finishing, and which will not be continued. Everything will either be given away to a different author, deleted or updated HOPEFULLY by the end of February. I cannot make any promises as life tends to get in the way. I ask for patience and I will be publishing regularly soon enough. Thank you to everybody who's stuck with me over what at this point has been a year.


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